Are We as Agreeable as We Think?
Let’s explore the discrepancies between self-perception and implicit behavior.
Introduction
Let’s face it: most of us like to think we’re agreeable people. We want to believe we’re kind, cooperative, and empathetic. It feels good to picture ourselves as someone others can rely on, someone who spreads harmony wherever we go. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: how we see ourselves might not match how we truly behave, especially in the heat of the moment.
The Openmind Psychometric Personality Assessment shows us something fascinating — and unsettling. There can be a stark gap between our explicit self-perceptions (the qualities we consciously attribute to ourselves) and our implicit tendencies (the automatic, subconscious patterns that drive our behavior). Agreeableness, a trait that reflects how we navigate relationships and social dynamics, is particularly prone to these hidden contradictions. This article will explore why these discrepancies exist, how they manifest in everyday life, and what we can do to bridge the gap.
What Is Agreeableness, Really?
Agreeableness is one of the Big Five personality traits, a framework widely used to understand human behavior. High agreeableness means being compassionate, cooperative, and motivated to maintain social harmony. On the flip side, low agreeableness leans toward competitiveness, skepticism, and self-interest.
The Openmind report goes deeper than traditional personality assessments by measuring both explicit and implicit attitudes. Explicit measures capture what we consciously believe about ourselves, like confidently stating, “I’m always empathetic and fair.” Implicit measures, on the other hand, reveal what our gut instincts might whisper — often without our conscious awareness. For example, you might verbally support collaboration but unconsciously bristle when a colleague critiques your work.
The real kicker? These two measures don’t always line up.
The Gap Between Belief and Behavior
So, why does this discrepancy happen? Let’s break it down:
Social Expectations: We’re conditioned to value agreeableness. Society often rewards people who play nice, help others, and avoid conflict. As a result, we’re more likely to paint ourselves in an agreeable light, even if it’s not entirely accurate.
Self-Perception Bias: Most of us want to believe we’re good people. We rationalize our actions, overlook our shortcomings, and amplify our virtues to align with the person we want to be.
Unconscious Drives: Our implicit attitudes are shaped by past experiences, emotional triggers, and even cultural conditioning. These automatic responses can act in direct opposition to our conscious intentions.
Consider this: you tell yourself (and others) that you’re a team player. But when it’s time to split credit for a project, you’re quietly frustrated if someone else gets the spotlight. That gap between explicit and implicit attitudes isn’t a moral failing — it’s a human trait. The problem arises when we’re unaware of it.
Real-Life Manifestations
The implicit-explicit gap shows up in more ways than you might realize. Here are a few everyday examples:
The Generous Helper Who Secretly Resents: You agree to help a friend move houses because you’ve always seen yourself as a giving person. But when the day arrives, you’re seething inside, annoyed that they’re taking up your Saturday.
The Diplomatic Colleague Who Holds Grudges: In a meeting, you nod along and agree to compromises. But days later, you’re still replaying that one comment from a coworker and fantasizing about telling them off.
The Parent Who Promotes Kindness but Snaps: You teach your kids to “be kind to everyone,” but when someone cuts you off in traffic, your reaction—and the words that spill out—don’t exactly embody kindness.
These contradictions don’t make you a bad person. They make you human. But if we leave them unchecked, they can harm our relationships, workplace dynamics, and even our sense of self.
The Costs of the Gap
When our implicit behaviors betray our explicit values, the fallout can be subtle yet significant:
Erosion of Trust: People notice when your actions don’t align with your words. Over time, these inconsistencies can undermine trust and credibility.
Internal Conflict: Living with a gap between belief and behavior creates cognitive dissonance, a psychological tension that can lead to stress and dissatisfaction.
Missed Opportunities for Growth: If you’re unwilling to acknowledge your implicit tendencies, you’re less likely to address and improve them.
How to Bridge the Gap
The good news is that these discrepancies aren’t set in stone. Here’s how you can align your explicit and implicit agreeableness:
Acknowledge the Gap: The first step is brutal honesty. Take a hard look at situations where your actions didn’t match your values. Reflect on why that happened without falling into self-judgment.
Use Feedback Wisely: Ask trusted friends or colleagues for their perspective. How do they perceive your behavior? Their insights might reveal blind spots you’ve overlooked.
Practice Self-Awareness: Tools like the Openmind assessment are invaluable for uncovering implicit attitudes. Journaling, meditation, or therapy can also help you tune into your subconscious tendencies.
Develop New Habits: Start small. If you tend to dismiss others’ opinions unconsciously, make a deliberate effort to listen and validate them during conversations.
Embrace Authenticity: Agreeableness isn’t about people-pleasing. It’s about balancing kindness with assertiveness. The goal isn’t to force yourself into harmony but to act with integrity and authenticity.
Why It Matters
Closing the gap between explicit and implicit agreeableness isn’t just about feeling good about yourself (although that’s a nice bonus). It’s about becoming a more consistent, authentic presence in the lives of those around you. When your words and actions align, people trust you more, and you trust yourself more.
In a world that prizes surface-level niceness, true agreeableness—rooted in self-awareness and integrity—is a rare and powerful trait. So, are you as agreeable as you think? Maybe not yet. But with a little work, you can get closer to the version of yourself you aspire to be.
The Road Ahead
Bridging the gap between explicit and implicit behavior takes time and effort, but it’s a journey worth undertaking. Start with self-reflection, seek feedback from others, and use tools like Openmind to uncover the hidden layers of your personality. By acknowledging and addressing the discrepancies, you can become a more authentic version of yourself—one who not only values agreeableness but embodies it in every interaction.
Remember, agreeableness isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. Every step you take toward aligning your beliefs and behaviors brings you closer to the harmony you’ve always envisioned—both within yourself and in your relationships.