Why People Struggle with Feedback—And How to Change That

Feedback is an essential part of growth, both in personal and professional settings. However, many people struggle with receiving feedback, often reacting defensively or feeling attacked. This resistance is deeply rooted in implicit self-perception, our unconscious biases, and the way we construct our identity. Understanding why feedback triggers such responses and learning how to reframe it can significantly improve self-awareness, relationships, and professional success.

The Role of Implicit Self-Perception

Implicit self-perception refers to the subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves. These beliefs develop through life experiences, cultural conditioning, and repeated interactions. Unlike explicit self-perception, which consists of the traits and attributes we consciously recognize, implicit self-perception operates automatically and often contradicts our explicit self-image.

For example, someone might explicitly believe they are a competent leader, but if they have deeply embedded self-doubt, feedback challenging their leadership skills may trigger defensiveness. This discrepancy between implicit and explicit self-perception is where much of the struggle with feedback originates.

The Openmind Personality Assessment captures both explicit and implicit attitudes, revealing gaps between how people consciously view themselves and their non-conscious reactions. When these two perspectives clash, it can lead to emotional resistance to criticism.

Defensiveness as a Natural Reaction

Defensiveness is a common response to feedback because it feels like an attack on our self-concept. This reaction is tied to several psychological factors:

1. Cognitive Dissonance: When new information contradicts our existing beliefs about ourselves, we experience psychological discomfort. To resolve this, we may reject or rationalize the feedback rather than integrating it.

2. Ego Protection: Feedback can feel like a threat to our self-worth. If we derive self-esteem from being competent or liked, criticism can feel like an existential threat rather than an opportunity for improvement.

3. Fear of Judgment: Many people associate feedback with judgment or rejection, particularly if they have experienced harsh criticism in the past.

4. Emotional Hijacking: The brain processes perceived threats in the amygdala, which triggers fight-or-flight responses. Negative feedback can activate this response, making it difficult to remain objective.

How to Overcome Resistance to Feedback

Changing our response to feedback requires intentional shifts in mindset and practice. Here are some key strategies:

• Recognize Implicit Biases

  • Use tools like Openmind to identify where implicit and explicit self-perception differ.

  • Reflect on past feedback that triggered strong reactions and analyze why it felt threatening.

• Reframe Feedback as Data, Not Judgment

  • See feedback as information that helps refine skills, rather than as an attack on character.

  • Separate the content of the feedback from the emotional reaction.

• Practice Self-Compassion

  • Recognize that imperfection is part of being human.

  • Adopt a growth mindset where feedback is seen as a tool for progress.

• Ask for Clarification

  • If feedback feels vague or overly negative, ask for specific examples.

  • Engage in a constructive conversation rather than making assumptions.

• Pause Before Reacting

  • Take a breath and allow time to process feedback before responding.

  • Acknowledge emotional responses without letting them dictate behavior.

• Seek Feedback Regularly

  • Make receiving feedback a habit to reduce sensitivity over time.

  • Proactively ask for feedback in low-stakes situations to build resilience.

• Reflect and Apply

  • Write down feedback and consider ways to apply it.

  • Check back with the feedback provider to discuss progress and ensure understanding.

The Long-Term Benefits of Embracing Feedback

Those who develop a healthy relationship with feedback see tremendous personal and professional growth. Benefits include:

• Stronger Relationships: Accepting feedback gracefully improves interpersonal interactions and builds trust.

• Improved Performance: Constructive criticism helps identify blind spots and areas for improvement.

• Greater Emotional Intelligence: Managing feedback well fosters self-awareness and emotional regulation.

• Career Advancement: People who handle feedback effectively are more adaptable, making them valuable team members and leaders.

The Openmind platform provides deep insights into implicit self-perception, allowing individuals to become more aware of how they react to feedback and why. By understanding the psychological factors at play and actively working to change our relationship with feedback, we can transform it from a source of stress into a tool for success.

Feedback doesn't have to be a battle. With the right mindset, it becomes one of the most powerful drivers of growth and self-improvement.